This week’s been tough. Not gonna lie, last night was truly horrible, and only after early-morning conflict did an important point finally register. How we perceive time and our place within it can have a really significant effect on the way everything else happens: becoming fixated on personal needs and desires at the expense of looking at a larger picture is, at least for me, one of the most important issues that needs to be addressed, often on a day by day basis.
The social constructs that other people use to measure what is appropriate are not necessarily going to mesh with yours. The constant we are all bound by however remains unending and intransigent: time cannot be altered, however much that might be attempted. Right now, grief is uppermost in my mind, mostly because people I care about are having to deal with it. There is no right or wrong time period in which it happens either. The fact remains that it never goes away, you just get better at coping.
That might be true for just about everything that mentally taxes me.
I always go back to Mr D. Craig’s 007 when thinking of how grief moulds our actions. Here’s a guy who falls in love on the first serious job he’s given, and then has to spend the rest of his career carrying the fact he failed to save said love (at the same time having been double crossed by her too) whilst still holding down the day job as a ruthless, dedicated killer. As it transpires, he seems to cope pretty well. However, you only get part of his narrative, and that’s the key.
What happens in all the bits we never see? Bond between missions has to cope with it too. 007 picking up dry cleaning and having to pay his taxes and (presumably) having the odd night out with Moneypenny at a joint restaurant of their choice. All those moments that aren’t observed, grief doesn’t go away. You just forget, or other stuff distracts. What matters at the point of loss becomes diluted by time. What is important to you at the moment when a row breaks or an interest is conjoined… time alters the frame of reference on just about everything.
The bigger significance in all of this pontification for me is simple: it is more important to look long-term sometimes, even though the whole ‘living in the moment’ mantra is almost permanently on repeat in my head. That’s only one person’s perception of time, and doesn’t bring into consideration everybody else. Flipping the board, however attractive sometimes, doesn’t help anyone long-term. What’s a better idea, for everybody, is not being the twat who fucks it up for everybody because they can’t rationalise themselves adequately.
Watching other people on Social media think they really matter and their point of view is the only thing that’s significant is getting old now. Seriously guys, just get over yourselves and take that vital step backwards.
Everybody benefits long term if you can.